FACEBOOK LURKERS

FACEBOOK LURKERS

When you’re on Facebook you will notice a PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW list which suggests friends you may want to add. Most likely the people you will see in the suggestion list will be friends with people who you are Facebook friends with or perhaps third parties.

Facebook will also show up anybody who has been lurking on your Facebook account. They will also show up on your PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW list. Even if this person isn’t friends with anybody you are friends with (or third parties), they will show up on your friend suggestions. So next time you look at your Facebook PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW list, pay attention to it. Sometimes you will see some suspicious newly made Facebook accounts. If you have a stalker or an ex-partner or ex-friend who is lurking on your account, this could be them under a fake account.

               I had a friend named Sharon (not her real name) and she has a long-term boyfriend Keith (not his real name) and they have two children together (who are now both young adults). Keith and Sharon have been disrespectful towards me over the years, not all the time, there were many occasions when they were pleasant towards me which is why I remained friends with them for as long as I did. I always concentrate on the good in people. Even when I know someone is abusing me and that person has been good to me previously, I have a bad habit of standing by that person through thick and thin.

Keith has been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. On these occasions I had to stand up for myself (because nobody else would). I got sick of his bullshit and kept him at a distance, which is easy to do considering I rarely hear from Sharon. If his behaviour wasn’t going to change then I would have to be the one to stop this toxic pattern from continuing.

I don’t like kicking people out of my life, and I usually always remain in contact with them (even when they aren’t sorry). Keith and the others who had mistreated me over the years, weren’t the happiest bunch of people. I cared about these people, but I cared about them more than they cared about me.

I let Sharon know that I still wanted to be her friend but I couldn’t associate with Keith anymore due to his toxic behaviour and if she wanted to hang out with me it had to be without Keith. She didn’t care about how he had treated me or how it left me feeling. She started gaslighting the situation and made these comments… “He didn’t abuse you”, “I said the same thing to you that he said to you” (which wasn’t true), “he didn’t hit you”, “he didn’t swear at you”, “what about me?” and “I don’t want to be in the middle of this”. Her reaction and behaviour were a huge red flag.

I did see Sharon a few occasions after this, but she communicated and saw me even less than she usually did. Sharon would only see or talk to me a few times of the year, when the timing was good for her (of course). After I stopped associating with Keith I maybe only heard from her once a year or sometimes not even that.

               I didn’t hear from Sharon for a long time, and I didn’t see or communicate with Keith for 2 years. I felt better having fewer toxic people in my life which benefited my emotional health. After not hearing from Keith for two years and very rarely hearing from Sharon during that time, I didn’t expect to hear from them again. I’m not Facebook friends with Keith or with Sharon. I used to be Facebook friends with Sharon but because she had spent over a year ignoring me (I believe she did this on purpose); I decided to delete her off my friends list. I don’t see the purpose of remaining friends with people on Facebook who ignore me. Sharon is a Facebook lurker which made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t block them, because at the time I didn’t think I would hear from them again.

               Out of the blue one day a Facebook account that was under Keith’s real name started showing up on my PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW list. He’s never shown up on this list before. I know Keith’s Facebook account that he uses, but this wasn’t it. This account was newly made. He had his real name on it, but his first name was extended (it was his formal name). I had no friends in common with this new account (or his main account). I looked at his new Facebook account and he wasn’t Facebook friends with Sharon on it, however he had many of his friends on there. It was Keith, it was his name, he was in most of his photos, he had photos of his children on it, and he was posting the type of things he was into (construction posts and things like that). He wasn’t friends with anybody I was friends with. I thought it was strange how his new account was showing up on my Facebook suggestion list. I thought maybe Keith was going to use this new account now instead of his old account. A lot of people delete their old accounts to make a new one and I don’t have an issue with that. Sharon didn’t exist at all on this new account, he wasn’t friends with her on it and he also was posting a lot of photos, but none of her and no mention of her. It was like she no longer existed.  On the friend’s suggestion list there is a cross on the right-hand side above someone’s face on the list, which you can press to delete them off this list …  that’s what I did. I pressed the cross and I didn’t get to see this account showing up on my PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW list again.

               I told my mum about Keith’s new Facebook account and how he hasn’t added or featured Sharon on it. Mum said, “If he’s making a new profile and not adding his girlfriend, it’s suss”. My mum is friends with Sharon online but not with Keith. I’m not Facebook friends with my mother. My mother isn’t friends with Keith on Facebook and even though she has Sharon as a friend on Facebook, she told me she has never seen any of Keith’s Facebook accounts showing up on her PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW list.

When I had Sharon on my Facebook years ago, she would tell me on numerous occasions that she never uses Facebook, and she is “too busy” to go on the internet. However, Keith and her children have told me that Sharon spends majority of her time sitting in front of the television and is always on the internet and always on Facebook. I didn’t know who to believe.

When I still had Sharon as a Facebook friend, she wouldn’t post or LIKE (or anything like that on Facebook), but she would be watching everything everyone was doing. When I saw her in person she would always talk about something I or someone else had posted on Facebook. She told me she looks up people on Facebook often and tells me who she’s looked up and would inform me how bad they look now. Only Sharon would have known what I’ve posted on Facebook as nobody else she knew was Facebook friends with me at the time. You could say I was always a little sceptical when she told me that she’s never on Facebook because she’s “too busy” for it. Even though I was aware that Sharon was a Facebook lurker; I never knew that Keith was one as well. Which is why I was surprised when I found out he was lurking on my Facebook account.

               I’ve never really been a huge fan of lurking myself and I rarely look people up. Lurking is something I don’t do.

               The only time I ever lurked (or looked someone up on Facebook) was when I was at Katie’s family home for a few weeks, and we were reminiscing about school days. She was mentioning a few guys’ names we went to school with. I vaguely remembered them, but I think Katie had a crush on them. So, I got onto my Facebook and looked up their names and couldn’t find them. There were just too many people who have the same name which made it complicated. I’m certainly not good at looking people up, I’m not like those two guys on that TV program CATFISH. I personally believe there is a difference between looking someone up and lurking. Most people who look up someone’s name on Facebook do so because they have the intent in becoming Facebook friends with them. Their intentions are good. A Facebook lurker is somebody who logs onto Facebook, they don’t post on their own account, they never LIKE or comment on anybody else’s account and even though they are looking at your Facebook account (or at others) they never indicate that they are online. They are like a ghost. A lurker is basically a stalker; instead of stalking someone in person they are doing it online, it’s kind of creepy. Lurker is just a nicer term for stalker. I never look up ex-friends or ex-boyfriends on Facebook. I don’t see the point of it. I just focus on doing things that I enjoy, like hobbies and music and that sort of thing.

The only Facebook account that I look at is my own, and that’s not because I’m a wanker or

I’ve been stalked and harassed by people previously, so I make sure no one knows where I am working at the present time, where I’m hanging out on a Saturday night and where I’m living. If someone is harassing, stalking or lurking on you – they are most likely obsessed with you and obsessive people can be dangerous so you don’t want them to know where they can find you in person.

               A lot of people like to shroud themselves in secrecy. Logic will tell you that I don’t care because I am posting this online. Secrets are usually based on shame, and I don’t live in shame. I own it all. I’ve had good and bad things happening in my life and I’m not ashamed of any of it. I don’t particular like people who try to censor, silence or shame people who speak out about what has happened to them in life. Humans are always shaming people constantly and I’m not down with that. If there are people lurking on my Facebook, I don’t particular care about what they are seeing or not seeing, I’m more concerned about the obsessive behaviour behind it.

               I’m not a fan of Facebook lurkers. Whether someone likes me or not, there is no reason for them to behave so sneaky and creepy. If someone hates me so much, they wouldn’t want to look at my account or want anything to do with me? It doesn’t make sense.

I like people who are respectful and don’t cause trouble. It’s just that some people go into crazy mode. Facebook lurkers must be bored or something.

 

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