BLACK SHEEP

 BLACK SHEEP

                There are black sheep and I’m one of them.

                There’s definitely some kind of class division or a hierarchy where some people think they are better than others. I don’t know what this is based on.

But the truth is that it’s based entirely on who the biggest wankers are in the room.

There are class groups, it’s like being on the Titanic.

There are the narcissists who look down on others, then the group in the middle who aren’t in but not out either, and then there’s the ones of the bottom, the scum.

                The wankers and bitches seem to think they are better than everyone else and just sit around making snide comments about people, even when someone is right in front of them they will make snobby and bitchy comments about them.

                I tend to be a magnet for bitchy people, I’m way too nice to people and I don’t behave like they do. If someone bitches about me I don’t start World War III and I don’t bitch back. I’m not like them. I don’t want to be like them, I see no reason at all why I would want to be like them, I find them vile. I don’t think they even realize how atrocious they are. I can’t relate to people like them.

They are like those bitchy kids in those American high school movies such as Mean Girls and Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. That’s exactly what they act like. They are the bitchy reality TV personality. Why would you want to be like one of those bitches on a reality television program? So tacky!

If you watch TV programs like The Bachelor, there are always the nice contestants, the funny contestants, the narrator who calls shit out, and then you get the bitchy nasty ones.

Bitchy people remind me of those girls, the bitchy people on a reality TV program.

                I don’t know why anybody would want to be like that but I guess that’s who they want to be.

                Bitchy people aren’t all female, a lot of them are men who are just as bitchy (or even more bitchy) than the women. They are just as bad as each other and they bounce off each other’s bitchiness.

                I hear and see them bitching. Bitchy people tend to nit-pick, they are the worst kind. They have very little to go on, so they just make assumptions or turn something very small into Ben-Hur! Those people are toxic because they just like to hate and bitch and if they don’t have anything to bitch about, they will make shit up. What a bunch of assholes!

                The most ironic part about it is that they bitch about someone and then they have the absurd belief that their victim should be going up to them, saying hello to them, asking them how they are, caring about what is going on in their life and give them a kiss and a hug (or some shit like that).

Victims aren’t fake people, if people spend time bitching about them (which they do), why should they approach them and embrace them. If I don’t like someone I won’t approach them, I will avoid them and won’t have anything to do with them.

                They are toxic and I don’t want to be around toxic.

                I don’t have time for their bitchiness.

                Even if they are bitching about me or someone else, no one says or does anything about it. They are enablers.

                I’ve always had this idolized image of someone who doesn’t put up with bullshit - the outsider. Sometimes you watch a movie or TV program and there’s always that one cool character, like an Aunt or someone who attends a wedding or a funeral even though they haven’t attended any family gathering for 15 years (or some length of time). They attend the family gathering and realise what a shit show their family is and then they leave and you know they’re never going to attend another family gathering again. I love those characters because the black sheep are always the coolest characters in movies.

                I find it extremely hard to relax when I’m in an environment with more than one bitchy person. I’m an introvert as well which makes it more difficult for myself to cope in a situation like that and that could be one of the reasons why they find it so easy to target me.

                Years ago one of my cousins (who lives in a suburb near me) said to me, “Remember how as kids we used to play together and we used to get along?” she then said, “When we grew up it’s like they look down on us now and they are above us”.

                It’s not just the bitches that make me feel uncomfortable but it’s also the flying monkeys and enablers who spend time with the bitches, they hear what the bitchy people are saying (all the bitchiness that is flying out of their mouths) but they don’t stand up for others. They just sit there, listen to it, and enable it to persist. The enablers and flying monkeys continue the problem.

                I feel partially the reason why I go to gatherings where I know I’m going to be bitched about (because it happens so often) is that I feel guilty if I don’t go. I’m too busy trying to please others and live out ‘obligations’ even though I’m the one who is getting trodden on in that environment.

                When I do attend it’s an unhappy and uncomfortable experience for me. I don’t want to go somewhere where I am being bitched about and where I’m surrounded by nasty villains. Why would I want to be around people like that? I don’t.

                We’re not in high school anymore.

I’ve never really fitted in anywhere and I feel like I’m okay with that, it’s the bitchiness and nastiness that I don’t like. I’m okay with being an outsider; just don’t hate me for nit-picking reasons. I don’t deserve it. I don’t want to conform to be like them to be accepted by them. I would rather be alone than be one of those bitchy and nasty people. I think that’s why I’m targeted, you have to be bitchy and nasty to be liked and I don’t want to be liked due to that. I would rather be nice and decent and hated as a result.

                I don’t like fakeness, I like nice people but I hate people who smile at you (and pretend to be nice) and then stab you in the back - they are fake. Too many of those people are about.

                I tend to gravitate towards black sheep and the underdogs because I relate to them partially. They are the outsiders, and not all black sheep are bad people. Sometimes the majority is worse than the minority. I can’t stand watching people being treated like shit. I don’t care if a shit load of people are hating on one person, I have my own mind, if I don’t believe that person deserves it, I won’t hate them just to fit in. I have my own mind and can think for myself. I’ll make the decision for myself of whether I think that person is cool or not, I’m not going to have my mind manipulated by a narcissist just so they can bring someone down.

                Bullies are narcissistic but I feel they do it because they need to feel better about themselves and want to be better than others. The majority of the people who have bullied myself and others have been insecure and their insecurities are obvious.

                I don’t believe in revenge or to be a bitch back to people because that’s not who I am as a person. My revenge is letting people do what they want to do because that’s where the truth is. 

                The truth is my revenge.

                If people feel the need to cut people down then it reveals who they are. 

               I’ve been dealt with a bad hand when it comes to the people within my life but I’m confident enough not to be like them. I call people out on their bullshit but I’m not going to go down to their level, I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to put people down for lame reasons, I don’t nit-pick everything someone says or does, or what they look like - I’m not going to do that.

                If you want to make the world a better place you have to start with your own behavior.

                Some people are cool but there are also a lot of dicks and you usually get that with any group of people. I just don’t like all the put-downs. When I’m around them I feel uncomfortable and become withdrawn. I don’t want to approach them because they are nasty and so I just keep a distance from them. I don’t want revenge or to be a bitch towards them, I just don’t want to be around them.

                I just don’t like all the fakeness, the fake smiles, and the fake ‘hellos’, fake people who smile and say hello and then stab you in the back. I’ve been around people like that for far too long and I’m getting to the point where I’ve decided to cut all the toxic energy out of my life. I can’t be happy or improve my life when I’ve got toxic individuals who go out of their way to bring me down consistently. They bitch about me when I’m there in earshot but won’t say anything to me directly; of course, they usually do it when other people around them, other people who are bitchy like them.

Their bitchiness is obvious but everyone who is around them is cool with it, it’s a fucked up situation.     Like many others who have bullied me in the past, they bully me because they see me as an easy target because I have no one on my side and no one to stand up for me. This shit has been happening for years and yet they do it around other people and other people hear them and no one says or does anything to prevent it from happening, the witnesses sit there and enable it and then others will join in. It’s easy to abuse people when there are no repercussions. They know they can get away with it and they keep doing it because they get away with it. I have no support.

                People who have support from family and friends are extremely fortunate. Not everybody has that.

                I’m also single, but I feel like this also puts a target on my back. It’s not the reason why they bully me but it enables them to bully me. If I had a partner would they continue bullying me? I feel like if I had someone by my side who supported me and stood up for me, there would be less bullying. When I stand up for myself, it just gives them more venom to bully me some more. It doesn’t stop the bullying, it just makes it increase. I’ve stood up for myself all my life and it doesn’t stop bullying or abuse, the only thing that can stop it is me walking away from it which is what I do. Nothing I say or do will stop them bitching about me. I just have to remove myself from that environment and that’s all I can do.

                People don’t like people who are ‘different’, I’m different and I’m okay with that but other people aren’t accepting of that. I’m not married, I’m single, I don’t have children, sometimes I’m working and sometimes I’m not, I’m not an extrovert, I’m not a bitch, I don’t have money, I’m poor, I don’t have a support network, and I’m not fake.

                This makes me a target for shitty people.

                There’s definitely a class division and prejudice, when society talks openly about prejudice they often refer to sexism, homophobia, and race, but it’s not always about that, sometimes prejudice can come down to the way someone looks, what colour of hair they have, someone’s income, their social standing, what they are wearing, relationship status and that sort of thing. Prejudice comes in many forms.  

                I’m not going to go over to them and behave fake, and be nice to them and try to win them over, because they aren’t worth it. I can’t even approach them or open up to them because I know whatever I say and do will be used against me in the court of the NU club (Narcissists United).

                I avoid nasty people because I don’t have time for that shit. I want to spend my time doing things that make me happy and that I enjoy. I don’t want to waste another second of my life around people like that. I’m not going to damage myself like that. I have a choice and I’m going to make the best decisions for myself. They already hate me so it’s not going to make a difference. I feel anxious and depressed when I’m around them and I’m used to not having anybody with me to support me. Just because I’m alone, it doesn’t mean what they are doing is right.

                There are narcissists and there are the flying monkeys and there is me just putting up with a lot of shit that I didn’t deserve just so someone can have something to bitch about. I feel like they are using me as a target to amuse themselves because they are small-minded fucks. I’m not into trashy people, and their behavior is trashy, they talk trash about and it’s trashy, their behavior is trashy, and they are trash.

                I have to protect myself. I will no longer associate with people who put me down or those who are accepting of those who have put me down. If I ever bring the subject up, there is silence, there is gaslighting. If they want to remain on friendly terms with the bullies that is them, if they are okay with the bully's behavior towards me, that is on them.

                I’d rather have no friends or family than associate with people who are shitty people.