GARY

 GARY

                My friend Sharon is in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend Keith and they have two children (now adults). Gary is Keith’s best friend and they met at school and have been close ever since. Whenever I caught up with Sharon she would usually be with Keith and Keith would usually be with Gary so whenever we socialized Gary was usually there. Claire (my other friend) got into a relationship with Gary which meant I also was also around Gary when he was with Claire.

                When Sharon first started dating Keith I met Gary, Gary liked me in the beginning but I was never interested in him and I had a boyfriend at the time. Gary was single for most of his life and I have been single for big chunks of my life and even though we have been single often at the same time, nothing has taken place between us and nor would I wanted it to. Gary and I never had any close friendship, we never hanged out together alone and I never spoke to him on the phone or in private. The only reason I associated with him is because the people I was socialising at the time were associated with him. As far as Gary’s personality goes, Gary is pretty decent to talk to and has a good sense of humour. There is a good side to Gary and it is a shame that he has that bad side to him, his life would be incredibly better if he didn’t act like such an idiotic violent thug. Gary has a brother named Alex who Keith is also friends with. Alex is a bit of a ladies man who never had a problem with engaging women. Gary is better at talking to and has a better sense of humor than Alex. Gary and Alex are both iffy and both have red flags which I never ignored.

                Gary has a history of violence and has been in and out of prison ever since I’ve known him. I have lost count how many times Gary has been in prison. Whenever I’ve bumped into Keith and Gary wasn’t with him, I would ask Keith, “Where’s Gary?” (Even though I could have easily guessed where he was) and Keith would tell me that Gary was locked up again.

                Gary would drink and get drunk and would bash somebody, usually complete strangers including men he doesn’t know, police officers, and I recall he went to court once because a woman pressed charges against him because he allegedly hit her after she rejected him (I wasn’t with him that night), he got off those charges and Sharon said it was because, “he didn’t hit her hard enough”. He was in a relationship with Claire at the time and they came to my work (I was working on the registers) and Claire was happy that he got off because she said she wanted the judge to make him go to alcohol rehab. Even though I have never seen Gary being violent towards anybody, I was always completely aware of his criminal history and his violent streak. I’m sure that those who work at our local police station would be familiar with his name. If Gary didn’t have that violent streak or criminal history, he would be a decent guy, but his violent and irrational behaviour is his choice and he continues to choose to behave that way. He’s got no one to blame other than himself. Even though Keith is close friends with Gary, Keith rarely (never) visits him when Gary is behind bars. I asked Claire once if Keith ever visits Gary in prison and she told me he never does. When Gary isn’t in prison, Keith spends a lot of time with him. Because of Gary’s violent history I generally kept him at arm’s length. It would be stupid of me to get involved or have much to do with somebody who I knew had a violent streak and a criminal history. I’ve made some poor decisions over the years of who I associated with, but I never got close to Gary for obvious reasons, reasons I wouldn’t ignore.

              Sharon and Keith arranged their daughter’s 16th birthday party and even though Keith is aware of Gary’s criminal history, he invited Gary to his daughter’s birthday. Sharon and Keith’s daughters don’t like Gary and no one was particularly happy that Gary was there, especially Sharon’s father. Keith said he didn’t mind Gary being there because Gary is his friend and in his own words Gary is a ‘top bloke’ and he was happy to have him there. Gary isn’t a complete monster all of the time. Sharon and Keith celebrated their daughter’s birthday at a hall close to where one of Keith’s family member lives. Usually when Keith and Sharon have a party (which isn’t that often) or if we want to go swimming on Australia Day (for example) we would go there. It was a hot day because Sharon and Keith’s daughter’s birthday is just before Australia Day at the hottest time of the year so some of us went swimming first in the pool before the party started. When I was in the pool Gary turned up and sat at the side of the pool chatting to me and told me that Sharon’s dad wasn’t happy with him being there. Gary was perfectly fine when he was chatting to me near the pool and there was no indication at that time what would take place later, it was still early.

                People started turning up and I was outside still dripping wet with a towel around me. Gary was still chatting to me and we were standing near the hall not far from the door. Gary was standing next to me and Sharon’s youngest daughter and her friends were walking towards the parking lot and Gary screaming out to the girls, “I want to root use” even though these girls were all underage. I told him he shouldn’t make comments like that to women let alone young girls. I don’t know if Sharon and Keith’s daughter’s friends heard him or not because they were at a distance but he shouldn’t have said it regardless. A few weeks later on Australia Day I told Sharon and Keith what Gary said to the girls and Sharon wasn’t happy about it and Keith dismissed what I had said and told me that I was lying and he doesn’t believe that Gary would say something like that. Keith snapped at me, “No, he didn’t say that” and I said “Yes he did, you weren’t there”.

I walked away from Gary and walked inside the hall and got changed. Most guests were already there but the party hadn’t started yet. Sharon started showing me some of the bric-a-brac that she had purchased for the party and she was also getting the stereo ready for the music. We were just chillin’ out until the rest of the guests turned up. Keith also had invited his friend Craig and his partner Kirsty who both went home before I did. Kirsty wasn’t happy with Gary that afternoon and before they went home she said to Gary, “I would call the police now to put you behind bars” so I don’t know what that was about but I must have missed it. I don’t think Kirsty liked Gary either.

                Later that night when the party was close to being over I was getting my bag and phone ready and I was just about to call to get a lift. I was still in the hall and there were white chairs near a lounge chair which Sharon’s mother and some of the older people were sitting on earlier. Sharon and Keith’s daughters friends were sitting on the white chairs inside the hall near the door and Gary came out of nowhere and sat next to one of the girls in one of the chairs. He kept talking to one of the girls (Gary tends to talk too much) and you could tell these girls were getting annoyed with him. Gary should have known the girls didn’t want him there by their body language, how they spoke to him and how they looked at him with disapproval. Obviously Gary didn’t care and didn’t want to take the hint. Gary kept talking to one of the girls and you could tell she didn’t like him but then he started touching her and there were others who witnessed this including Keith and Sharon’s daughter. This girl kept telling Gary, “Stop touching me” and she was obviously uncomfortable with his behaviour. He wouldn’t stop touching her so I said to him, “Stop touching her its harassment” and after I said that to him he got out of the chair and disappeared and I didn’t see him after that. I assumed he went home. I called for my lift and Sharon and I were waiting by ourselves near the parking lot waiting for my lift and we were just chatting about general things and then I left.  

                A few days after the party I got a message online from Sharon and she wrote that she had been in bed for the past few days because after I had left the party Gary had attacked her and she had bruises on her and she was still shaken up from what had happened. Sharon told me that after I had left, Gary returned and he started talking and touching one of her daughter’s friend’s (which possibly could have been the same girl) and he wouldn’t stop. Sharon said she told Gary to leave her alone and when she said this, Gary jumped out of his chair rushed up to Sharon quickly and put his hand over her throat and his other hand on her chest, pushed her against the wall. Sharon told me that Keith was there when this took place and Keith told him to leave her alone. At the time the only adults there was Keith, Sharon and Gary as all the other adult guests had gone home and some of the teenagers were still there waiting for their parents to pick them up. There were teenagers there at the time who had witnessed what had taken place and even though Gary assaulted Sharon, nobody called the police. Sharon was the victim and Gary was the perpetrator which leaves Keith the only adult person in the room at the time who could have taken responsibility and called the police. Even though there were teenagers there at the time it wouldn’t be fair on them to have to deal with that situation. Sharon could have called the police but after someone at their hand over your throat I don’t think it would have been easy for her and she was also shaken up afterwards. Sharon told me her daughters were there at the time but they didn’t witness it when it happened but they knew what had taken place (they weren’t that far away when it happened). The police should have been contacted and Keith should have taken the initiative to do so. When Sharon wrote me this, I replied back to her and gave her my support. I was upset that she was assaulted and this happened to her and I was also angry with Gary and I haven’t had any contact or associated with him since after that incident. It was terrible what he did to Sharon that night and Sharon did not deserve it at all. Gary was fully at fault. I’m not sure if Sharon told her parents about the incident but Sharon’s father already hates Gary so he would have hated him even more if he had learned of it. I told her that it isn’t too late for her to go to the police to press charges against Gary and I will support her and be there for her if she wants to. She didn’t seem interested in going to the police and I believe the main reason behind that was because of Keith.

                What happened to Sharon could’ve easily have happened to me because I was the first one to be assertive and say something to Gary when he was harassing that teenage girl. I told Gary to leave that teenage girl alone before I had left and I didn’t even realise he was still around when I went home. I’ve tolerated a lot of shit from people over the years and there were times when people did wrong to me and I never went to the police (when I should have). If Gary had done that to me that night, I would have pressed charges against him.

                A few weeks later it was Australia Day and Sharon and I often caught up on Australia Day to have a few drinks and to catch up. We went to the same BBQ / Pool area that they had celebrated their daughter’s birthday. Sharon, their two daughters and I were at this BBQ area and we were sitting there for hours waiting for Keith to turn up. Sharon told me she was feeling a lot better since Gary had assaulted her but she was still upset and traumatised after what had taken place. Keith had told Sharon that he was dropping his aunty into the city and returning straight away. Even though going to the city and back again can take a few hours – Keith took a lot longer than it possibly could have taken. Sharon said they couldn’t eat until Keith turned up because Keith was going to return with their food. So we were all just sitting there for hours in the afternoon waiting for Keith to turn up. I suggested that we could get a cab back to her place to get the food but Sharon said she didn’t want to start eating until Keith arrived.

                Sharon rang Keith a few times but he had his phone turned off (he usually does this to avoid Sharon’s phone calls). However later on she rang him again to find out where he was and Keith told her that Gary came over to visit him to have a chat and they spent that time talking. If Keith was a better person he would have just slammed the door in Gary’s face.

                After hours and hours and hours of waiting for Keith, he finally turned up. When Keith returned with the food and we started cooking the BBQ and preparing the food I asked Keith what Gary had to say. Keith told me that “Gary is having problems at work with Claire’s brother (who is Gary’s boss at work)” and blah blah blah and he was all like sympathetic towards Gary. I was like, “Really Keith?”.

When we were sitting at the same table eating lunch, Sharon brought up the subject of Gary attacking her and I took this opportunity to ask Keith, “Why didn’t you call the police?” and Keith couldn’t give me a straight answer and he said, “I was really angry with him that night”.  Even though Keith and Sharon’s daughters are teenagers, their oldest daughter kept asking her father, “Why didn’t you call the police dad? Why didn’t you call the police?” Keith got a bit moody and quiet after that. He was also moody because Sharon didn’t want Keith to associate with Gary anymore and she told him that she didn’t want him to be ‘secret friends’ with Gary either. It’s sad that Sharon even had to ask her boyfriend to no longer associate with the man who had assaulted her. Any decent boyfriend or husband would have cut ties immediately with anybody who attacked their girlfriend and the mother of his children, but not Keith – Keith was still associating and being friendly towards Gary. Australia Day wasn’t the first time that Keith had been in contact with Gary since Sharon had been assaulted; Keith had been in contact with Gary twice before Australia Day. Sharon told me the first time Keith had called Gary and the second time Keith had catch up with Gary, Sharon said it was because Gary owed Keith $25 dollars, which I thought was ridiculous. If someone assaulted your girlfriend you wouldn’t have anything to do with them at all and $25 isn’t worth hanging out with someone who assaulted your partner.

A few months later Sharon told me that Keith has nothing to do with Gary anymore, however I found that hard to believe. I was already aware that Keith had been in contact with Gary three times in just a short time frame after Sharon had been assaulted. Sharon told me that, “Keith hates Gary” but I have known Keith long enough to know that Keith has always been a genius at telling Sharon what she wants to hear instead of just telling her the truth.

                Sharon’s birthday was roughly around six months after Australia Day and we went to our local club which is a club that Keith and Sharon like to hang out at. Keith’s friends Craig and his partner Kirsty were there playing pokies. Keith ran off to play the pokies and of course Sharon couldn’t sit still if Keith was away from her. Sharon and I were walking around all these pokies at the club trying to find Keith, and there are thousands of pokies there. We eventually found Keith, Craig and Kirsty playing pokies together and Keith was giving Craig and update on Gary. He told Craig, “Gary got drunk and drove his car into another car and smashed it and rang me to go and help him” and Keith did go help him. He told Craig about Gary’s upcoming court case and said that Gary might be going to jail again. Sharon looked at Keith and said, “You didn’t tell me that” and he said, “Yes I did” and she said, “No you didn’t. If you had told me that I would have remembered” and he replied, “I thought I did, I must have forgot”.

                A month later near my birthday, Sharon told me that Gary went to their family home and their daughter answered the door. She told me that Gary went to their house looking to get drugs from Keith.

                Keith also told me that I shouldn’t talk about Gary assaulting Sharon because that isn’t fair on Gary. So of course I wasn’t happy with him saying that to me, I said, “So you care more about Gary than you do your own girlfriend?” and he said, “Nah mate”. So according to Keith, me talking about Gary being violent is a lot worse than Gary actually abusing Sharon and being violent to a shit load of other people. Keith was telling me that I shouldn’t care so much about what happened to Sharon and I should remain silent about it. I know Keith wasn’t telling me this for Sharon or my own benefit; it’s for his own needs – to keep his friendship with Gary alive and for their own reputation. I don’t think Keith cares about Sharon at all; there are too many red flags there. Sharon always put up with Keith’s shit because I believe a part of her thinks it will keep Keith in a relationship with her and I don’t know how that will work out for her in the long run. It’s obvious he doesn’t respect her and doesn’t love her. Keith being friendly and protecting the same man who assaulted his girlfriend really shows how much Keith respects Sharon and women in general.

                I didn’t have anything to do with Gary again after he assaulted Sharon and I cut ties with him completely. I wasn’t friends with him in the first place so it wasn’t that difficult not to associate with him anymore.

                Update: I no longer associate with Keith (because he is toxic as well) and I rarely hear from Sharon. My mother and Judy have seen Gary at the local RSL club; Claire and Gary usually go there to play pokies. The last time I saw Gary he was standing in front of our local pub just opposite the train station, when I saw him I wanted to flip the bird at him because this was the first time I had seen him after he had assaulted Sharon, but at this time I was no longer in contact with any of them so I didn’t think he was worth addressing. I think he saw me when I walked past him and I’m sure if he did he would have made some bitchy nasty comment about me to Claire or Keith.