FACEBOOK CULL

 FACEBOOK CULL

                I have decided to do a cull on my Facebook. I would rather have a small group of people on my Facebook than have a large number of people who are questionable. When I say cull, I mean cull on Facebook as well as real life. My safety and emotional health needs to be a priority. I only want genuine people in my life who are decent and good people.

I am on the internet at least once a day for an hour or so and I use the internet to do things that I enjoy, photos of friends, family, cats, history stuff, and music. just want to use Facebook and feel comfortable using it without feeling concerned.

                I don’t cull people that often, but at the moment after everything that has happened, I feel it’s the best thing to do. I’ve had people online who have been nicer to me than some of the friends and family I’ve had in life. I treat everyone with respect and kindness, but that doesn’t give them a free pass to mistreat me. In truth, there are a lot of assholes out there and I haven’t had the best people around me. I don’t care what people post on Facebook, as long as they aren’t bullying, abusive, or harassing me or somebody else. If someone is bullying, being abusive, or harassing me or another person, they got to go.

                Sharons’ boyfriend has abused me over the years and Sharon would often witness it and would be okay with it which enabled the abuse. She’s a flying monkey or perhaps Keith is the flying monkey. I hate people who belittle others in order to feel good about themselves - they are the dipshits of the world. Sharon has been nice and not-nice to me over the years. I often forgave her for things she wasn’t even sorry for. Whenever she was cruel I would get annoyed with it but would later let it go (and then it would happen again). It was usually always me who goes out of my way to contact friends and organize catch ups and I’m exhausted as a result. I won’t be doing that anymore. I said to Autumn once, “If it wasn’t for me contacting them, I would never hear from them” and when I finally did stop, that did come true. I usually would only hear from Sharon when it was her birthday and she wanted people to go out to celebrate her birthday with her. Sharon does have a good side and I don’t want to stop being friends with Sharon, but I never hear from her and her boyfriend has done wrong to me and she stands by him.

                I’ve always had to do hard work in these friendships and it’s been hard work, I’m exhausted and I don’t want to continue going out of my way for people just to get treated with disdain. It’s not worth it. Ever since I stopped associating with Keith (which was years ago) I hear and see less of Sharon, which wasn’t much in the first place. I haven’t had anything to do with Keith for about 2 or 3 years now. I regret tolerating BS from a lot of people, it’s time to bring change in my life and cut out all the BS. I’m constantly surrounded by feral-type people with their feral-type behavior, I don’t want to be around that. People like that scare me and I can’t relate to them. I’ve walked away from everybody’s bullshit and I have no regrets.

                I have to cut out people in my life who are toxic. If that means being left with nobody in my life, then so be it. I was always felt like I was on my own, even when I was surrounded by people. I have to acknowledge it and make decisions for my own well-being. I was sacrificing my own emotional health to keep people in my life and obviously.

                Keith isn’t on my Facebook as I have deleted him years and years ago but I still had Sharon as a friend on Facebook. Sharon is a lurker on Facebook, a ghost, she pretends she is never online and often vocalizes the fact that she never uses Facebook and she pretends she never uses the internet. However, whenever I have seen her in real life, she will often tell me how she’s seen all these posts on Facebook, what I’ve posted, what other people have posted and how she’s been looking up particular people (from our past) and telling me all about them (insults of course). Her kids have also vocalized more than one time that their mother is always online. She will tell people she never uses Facebook, but 10 minutes later, she will start telling us everything she’s seen on Facebook and has a source of information to relay about what she has seen on Facebook over the past few months. For somebody who spends no time on Facebook, she has seen a lot on Facebook and she often spends her time looking up other people. Even Keith has told us how Sharon is always online and on Facebook. She will never LIKE anything, even if she tells us in person that she liked something we posted. She also won’t comment on anything even though she wants to talk about it the next time she sees us in person. She lurks and I have always found that to be a little creepy and unusual. If I bump into her by accident she will mention something that I or someone had posted just recently. Once I posted a group photo of me and my friends (I didn’t tag anybody in the photo), and this photo included her and minutes after I had posted it she sent me a message from her Facebook account and asked me to remove it because she didn’t like the way she looked in the photo. I didn’t have a problem with removing it (I did remove it), but for someone who is never on Facebook, she seems to notices something straight away.

                She says one thing and does another, it doesn’t add up, and it’s hard to trust people who behave that way. I think she only tells people she doesn’t use Facebook or she hasn’t got time for the internet just to be pretentious. She wants people to think she’s above them. She pretends she cares about privacy, but she lurks people all the time and looks up to other people who we don’t have anything to do with anymore. It’s extremely contradictory. She has told me numerous times, whenever I see her she will inform me about someone she’s looked up to on Facebook and will tell me about how old and awful they look now, and then she will laugh. I know she uses the internet because she keeps telling me she is on this video thing with Charlie Sheen’s ex-girlfriend, she has no time for her friends but she’s got time to hang out with Charlie Sheen’s ex-girlfriend online. She says she never spends time on the internet, but in the next sentence, she will tell me how she’s always on video chats, “it’s the way of the future” she told me. Even though Sharon doesn’t post photos online, videos and doesn’t use video chat.

                Sharon and I had a private group online that we would use to write messages to one another, it was rarely used (of course), it was just like messenger but we used the group instead because we found it easier. She wrote me a message on it and I would write back within the week and would give her support. I had been going through a difficult time myself, a close family member of mine had been rushed to hospital and had to undergo emergency surgery and I was worried about that. It was during this time he was in the hospital that I wrote to her and let her know what was going on. In groups you can see if someone had seen your message, Facebook indicated that she had seen it but she never replied. Five months later I heard from her again and told me she had never seen my message, which didn’t make sense. She also replied to me under my message that I did leave her. She wrote that she never saw it (even though she wrote underneath it) and didn’t acknowledge anything that I had written to her. I read it, but I didn’t reply to her message straight away because I didn’t think she would see it straight away, I mean, she never uses Facebook right? However a few days later, I got a snappy message from Sharon inquiring why I haven’t replied to her message after three days, I thought that was odd. She takes a months and even a year before she contacts me, and she’s upset with me after not replying to her message after three days. There was nothing urgent in the message she sent me to make me think that it required an immediate reply. I wrote the last message in September 2016 and she didn’t care to reply, even though she demanded my reply instantly and that was 7 months ago. So I thought, “Fuck it” and I deleted the group. Occasionally she will contact me on my birthday and I contact her on her birthday, but that’s about it. I don’t even hear from her on my birthday anymore. I’m sick of going out of my way for people when they don’t care about going out of their way for me.

                I like Facebook because I have a lot of hobbies and interests and I also like good and genuine people. I follow a lot of pages and groups for that reason, I love music the most. I like people, good people, not the assholes. Unfortunately, I’ve had a lot of assholes in real life; most of the people I’ve had online have been pretty decent. People always say that you have to be careful when interacting with people on the internet, which is true. However, I’ve found that I’ve had better experiences with people on the internet than I have had in real life. I’ve had too many toxic people in real life, throughout my life. I have come across toxic people online as well (people who I don’t know in real life) but I’ve come across a lot less toxic individuals online than I have in real life. Most of the people who have caused trouble to me online are the toxic people I’ve known in real life. I’ve had too many toxic people in my circle, at school, in friendship groups, and even family members.

                I don’t want to waste time on those who think they are better than other people, who look their nose down on other people and feel that they are somehow superior. I don’t like conceited people. I’ve come across too many passive-aggressive people who feel that they are self-important. I’m over friends who expect me to carry the weight of the friendship around and put little effort in themselves. I really wish I could be cold and heartless like them but I’m not.

                I don’t mind if people are busy, I just want people who are genuine in my life and not fake, not pretending. I’ve gone through some heavy shit through life, and I just want real people, genuine people, trustworthy good-intentioned people. I like people, just not the people who cause trouble and who are cruel. I just want real friends and good people in my life. I’m over the pretenders.

                It’s just time to cull the toxic people out of my life and get on with it.