ALCOHOL

 ALCOHOL

                Australian drinking age is 18; however, I didn’t start drinking when I turned 18 because I was a goody goody and was afraid of alcohol. On my 18th I had three people over to celebrate with me, it wasn’t a party or anything like that it was a low-key event. Someone brought a bottle of wine and they were drinking it but I was wary of it so I didn’t. I didn’t get my ID straight away, I waited. I didn’t get ID until I was roughly around 20 years old, mainly because I wanted to go out and see bands live, which we did. Sharon would drink beer and so I drank a beer as well but I didn’t drink all of it because I didn’t like the taste. My brother and my dad drank Jack Daniels and that’s the alcohol drink that I liked so I just stuck with that one. So when we went to see a band or attended a party or nightclub I would stick with that one.

                I have had wine and have tried other alcoholic beverages as well, but they get me drunk, and at least with JD, it doesn’t make me drunk. I’ve been drunk before, many times, but when we were in our 20s we would go out and drink Sambuca’s or something I don’t usually drink and that’s what makes me drunk and sick afterwards. This is why I prefer to stick to the same drink.

                Sometimes when I go to a particular event the choices are limited, it’s usually either wine or beer. There have been many times when Sharon or Melissa have persuaded me to drink something I didn’t want to drink; they were always throwing drinks in my face. Melissa was known for drinking mixed drinks and she would get extremely drunk. I don’t associate with them anymore so I rarely drink now. I remember everything when I’m drinking and I remember everything the next day. I remember what I have said and done and I also remember what other people say and do. I’ve never blacked out and I’ve never forgotten what had happened the night before. I remember everything. It’s good in a sense because I know what I’m doing, I’m in control of my own behavior and I know what other people are up to which has most likely kept me safe. However, that could be because I’m a slow drinker. People drink faster than me, so I don’t drink as much as them. I’m also an easy drunk, I can get drunk on 1 or 2 drinks - I don’t need to drink a lot. I wouldn’t say ‘drunk’ as in drunk, but tipsy.

                I am a social drinker and I don’t drink at home, even if I am in company. If I’m in a party at someone’s home I will drink. I don’t drink alone or when I’m at home. Some people like to drink at home, but I don’t.

                When I was aged in my 20s and I was going out to nightclubs I would drink once a fortnight. When I was in my age in my 30s I drank less and went out less often, and when I got older, probably 5 times a year (probably less than that). If I go out in a social situation I have a few drinks, but 4 at the most, or less than that.

                When I was young I used to look forward to going out and having fun, I always had an optimistic mood when we planned to go out with a group of friends; I always thought perhaps I would have a fun time. I was always optimistic that ‘this time will be different’ and I would have a good night out. I used to have fun when I was in my 20s because everyone was out socialising at that age; so I had better people around me. When you get older, people stop going out or they move away. When I got older I was socialising with people who drained me. It’s hard meeting new people, especially for me. I’m sure there are good people out there. I don’t want to force people to be friends with me, and these days I don’t think I have even the energy to have new relationships with people. I also can’t go back to that lifestyle where I’m going out at night, having fun, and drinking. That’s not me anymore; I enjoy being by myself and doing things at home. I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older, that I’m happier and more content when I’m by myself. I’ve just had so many negative experiences with people that I prefer being at home. At least they can’t hurt me when I’m at home.

At this point, I feel that I am better off alone. I’ve been optimistic all my life and in return, I’ve been met with constant disappointments. I’m tired and don’t have the energy. I’m more at peace away from people. I am happier.

                When I used to socialise at Panthers Leagues Club I drank more than usual because that club is boring and I feel when you are around toxic individuals you want to drink more. I’m not around toxic individuals anymore, well I am but I try to avoid toxic companies as much as possible. The less toxic people I’m around, the less I drink.

                Most of my friends drank alcohol and some of them would get hammered. I wasn’t the biggest drinker in my social setting. I’m what you call a ‘cheap drunk’. They drank more and faster than I did, I was a slow drinker.

                Autumn was against drinking alcohol, strongly against alcohol. If she saw anybody having a drink of alcohol (even just one drink) she would call them an “alcoholic” (even if she didn’t know them). Everyone is an alcoholic to Autumn. She always said she could have fun without alcohol, but she didn’t. She fell in love with this guy on Facebook who did drugs and alcohol, and when he started drinking she started drinking alcohol. She declared that she had always been a drinker (which isn’t true). She probably thought that if she had an alcoholic drink he would want to be in a relationship with her. People shouldn’t do things they don’t want to do in order to get a man to like them. It reminded me of teenagers who will like a particular band just because their crush likes that band. When we went out the next time and Jack wasn’t there, Autumn was once again a non-drinker. 

                Claire didn’t drink alcohol, she was anti-alcohol but she was in a relationship with Gary who liked drinking and doing drugs. She was trying to change him, trying to stop him from drinking but he wouldn’t and she would just get flustered and frustrated as a result. Claire knew what Gary was like years before she got involved with him, but she still went into a relationship with him thinking she could change him for the better. She was wasting her time.

                Judy likes drinking, she likes JD and other drinks but I don’t think she has a favourite. She doesn’t drink that much.

                Keith and Sharon both drink, mostly beer. When they drink they both talk more than usual, Sharon naturally talks too much. Sharon always drank more alcohol than me. Sharon is an alcohol pusher, if I’ve drunk too much and I tell Sharon I am going home, she would convince me to stay and she would buy me more drinks and tell me to drink them. She’s an alcohol pusher.

                Katie drinks but she was never a big drinker, she would sometimes have a drink at a party and once I saw her drinking alcohol she brought it from ALDI when she was watching television. She’s not a big drinker.

                Melissa was the biggest drinker that I knew; she would mix her drinks and would drink on an empty stomach. She drank a lot, a real lot - there’s no way I could keep up with her. Melissa would get so drunk and on one particular occasion, I was left alone with her. I didn’t like being alone with Melissa because she was a troublemaker which made me uncomfortable. I liked her more when we had other people around us; at least I had other people there. She would get so drunk and would go from one bar to the next; I wasn’t having a good time... She had me walking and walking to the next one, I heard the security guards from each bar communicating with each other talking about this intoxicated woman and not letting her in. We went to this last place that Melissa insisted we go to, but she was so drunk that I told her we should go home and she became aggressive, “I don’t want to go home. I want to drink”. The security there, of course, wouldn’t let her in, the police turned up and nearly arrested her and I was pretty much sober from all the walking and I didn’t drink that much. Melissa usually drank before I met up with her, pre-drinks. The police officers told me that if I didn’t get her home they would take her to the station. I told them I would take her home but there were no taxis anywhere and I knew I was in Parramatta but I wasn’t familiar with the area I was in. I told the police I’d been trying to get a taxi but there were no taxis, there were people outside this bar lining up waiting for one, and I don’t know how long they had been waiting for. Melissa started climbing the fence in an attempt to get into the bar and the police pulled her down from the fence. She was adamant about getting into this bar and I don’t know why that was. Thankfully the police made sure we got the first taxi, otherwise, we would have been waiting for over an hour (due to the line of people waiting for a taxi) and who knows what Melissa would have done during that time if we had to wait a long time. When we got back to her unit in Wentworthville she started eating and we both slept, I slept on her lounge. The next morning she begged me not to tell anyone what she did, she remembered what she had done, and then she started telling me that she wasn’t drunk. I’ve seen her drunk thousands of times, she was drunk.

                Melissa was one of the worst people I’ve had in my life, and that’s saying a lot considering I’ve had a lot of fucked up people in my life. She was extremely deceitful and untrustworthy, she would bend the truth just to have other people believe her or to turn on another person. I feel like she only wanted to hang out with me so she had someone to drink with and when she had someone else to drink with, she didn’t want to know me. She would ring me up pleading to go out and drink with her, she always wanted to drink. I had other friends with who I did non-alcoholic things, such as shopping, going to museums, and things like that - just random things. Melissa was the only friend I had who wouldn’t do something if there was no alcohol involved. If we did do something with no alcohol, it would be only for a short time and she would want to drink straight away afterwards. Of course, I liked drinking alcohol so I didn’t mind drinking with her on occasions, we both liked to go out drink, and socialize, but she found it difficult to do anything without alcohol involved. People were so drawn into her bullshit and at one point I was as well. She was somebody who loved drama and creating drama, I like drama as well, but only in movies or in a TV series, I don’t want it in my actual life. I suppose you could say that alcohol was a factor in Melissa’s behaviour, but I can’t blame it entirely on the alcohol that she drank. She knew what she was doing and would orchestrate things.

                Matthew liked to drink and would get drunk every now and there were times he would have fun but other times he would become so depressed and listen to the same song over and over again in a mental slump.

                Autumn told me that her brother Samuel would only drink at home; she said he would only drink when he was at home and not when he went out. I think that would be worse because you spend more time at home than you do when you are out (out in a social situation). It is better to drink when you go out because you don’t go out that often, well I don’t. When I went out with friends we would only go out socializing once a fortnight, once a month, or once every three or four months - so there wasn’t much drinking involved. Alcohol isn’t Samuel’s problem, he’s a P, it’s sick, Autumn knows about it, Claire knows about it and I’m sure there are other people who know about it and no one is doing anything about it. There are so many fucked up people out there.

                My mum drinks Southern Comfort, my mum acts drunk when she hasn’t been drinking but she’s a bit out there. I don’t like Southern Comfort it tastes like dead ants.

                My dad drinks a bit but not too much. He likes wine, he’s into poshness.  

                Usually, the only time people see me is when I am in a social situation so they jump to the conclusion that I drink all the time when in fact I don’t. I’m actually a boring person who doesn’t drink when I’m at home or any other time. Most of the time I am sober, reading, or writing, working, running errands, and just being a normal person. I drink 1 to 5 drinks a year, at the most. If I go out, that is the only time when my family or friends see me. They don’t see me in my normal environment. If I drink, I don’t get drunk and act like an idiot, I just act like I do when I’m sober. I’m extremely observant and I notice mostly everything that is going on around me. Not on purpose, that’s just what I’m looking for normally. I can’t help being like that though, that’s just the way I am. I pick up on things. I don’t drink alcohol that much, most of the time I’m drinking water and orange juice. I can’t drink alcohol when I’m at home or in my normal daily life because I enjoy writing and reading and I can’t do those if I’m drinking or if I’ve been drinking. I need to remain sober all the time in order to concentrate to be able to read and write. It’s about concentration, I don’t like distractions, and alcohol can be a distraction.

                I’ve seen movies and television programs where writers are sitting in front of their typewriters or computers and they are drinking wine at the same time. Every time I see a writer on-screen they are always sitting there writing with a glass of wine. I’m not sure if writers actually do that in real life. But Hollywood always displays it that way. I write all the time, but I’m not a writer.

I’ve also seen movies, Hollywood movies, where people go to a party and there’s like hundreds of people at a party and they’re all dancing and having fun. I’ve never been to a party like that in my life. I prefer gatherings with about 1 to 20 people, 20 people at the most. I’ve never been to a party that big and I’m not sure if people who host parties with that many people actually know all the people who attend their parties. I think if someone is just going after numbers it’s mainly because they are a bit of a wanker and want to look popular. If I’m at a bar I’m okay with other people around, as long as it’s not too crowded. I’m an introvert, I like going out but I like being home and when I’m home I prefer to be by myself. When I’m home I like to read, write, and organize, I can’t do that when other people are around. I can only socialize with people in a social setting, I’m weird like that. I think extroverts have an easier time with socializing than introverts. That’s why when I’m in a social situation I drink because it helps me relax.

                I don’t have a problem with people who drink as long as they don’t hurt anybody else. I’m not into violence or assault or anything like that. I honestly believe that alcohol highlights someone’s true character; Mum said I’m better when I’m drunk because I come out of my shell.

                I know people who say that people shouldn’t drink because of their health, but the same people who say that are the same people who sit around eating junk food and drinking sugary drinks.